HOW LONG BEFORE HE PROPOSED
How long would you wait for a proposal? Spoiler alert - there is no right or wrong answer to that question. Sorry to tell you this, but this decision, whether you're the one being proposed to or you're the one proposing, is a decision made entirely by you and only you. Not this blog post. Not your friends or family.
Let's start this off by asking how important is marriage to you? What does it mean to you? Because there are couples today who've been there done that or have witnessed some form of a marriage pitfall and both parties equally have zero desire to go down that path, living happily ever after in the process and never thinking twice about it. Then there are people who live for the moment; who's outlook is YOLO (you only live once) figuring they can divorce just as easily as they got married if it doesn't work out. And for some, it means everything to them. It's a sacred commitment till death do they part. It's best to identify which category you fall under.
When my fiancé and I agreed to be exclusive he told me about these "phases" he had mapped out in his head; how things were going to flow. It was incredibly cute. The phases were something along the lines of dating, then a relationship, moving in together, getting married, having kids, meet the family. I may have left one or two out and I'm not even sure that I got that in the right order either. Mind you I was a divorced mom who just finished getting dumped. I had no faith. But HIM planning was a good sign. To me that meant he's thinking about a future - that's good! Those were all good signs, right? Fast forward to year three and there we were, still no proposal.
LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS.
The first step in handling this type of situation. COMMUNICATION IS KEY. I said something. I was not about to fester in that funky feeling. It does nothing for no one.
My fiancé and I went back and forth with this conversation for a while. His reason was he was saving money. At the time, I felt like it was just an excuse to buy him more time. So I did what anybody else would do, I whipped out the ultimatum.
IT'S ME OR I WALK...
Total bitch right? Well, answer me this, how much longer would I have waited had I not said anything? KNOW YOUR WORTH. When I go to work I expect my paycheck at the end of the week. You will never hear me say oh I'll wait till you decide it's time for me to get paid. Guess what? The same goes for whoever I'm laying in bed with and rightfully so. Listen I didn't make up this tradition, but I was told that I get a ring somewhere in the process. I need an ETA, a promise ring, your grandma's ring - give me something.
No, cooking and cleaning are not things I want to do. Don't be cute. No one wants to do those things. I don't want to do them when I'm alone. I certainly don't want to do that for two. So yeah I need to be compensated, motivated and rewarded. It goes both ways. If you want to play house with me, these are my requirements. I did my part, now it's your turn.
In all reality, marriage shouldn't change the fabric of a relationship in any kind of way. The only thing marriage will change is your tax filing status and possibly your medical benefits. But who you are for each other and how you are with each other doesn't change when you get married because that's the reason you married each other in the first place. You change now, that's false advertising.
HELICOPTER RIDE & A PROPOSAL
Eventually he gave in - LOL. On our fourth anniversary. It was really just a nice day overall. He surprised me with a helicopter ride over Manhattan. My first time ever going on a helicopter. A ton of fun. We went on to have a lovely dinner and we ended the night at Astoria Park in Queens. That's when it happened. He proposed to me by playground. It was really cute.
Look, I'm no expert but I feel confident about this - KNOW WHAT YOU WANT AND FIGHT FOR IT. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. Be clear. Yes, it may take an ugly argument or two but that's what relationships take. Fight for yourself. Fight for each other. TALK ABOUT IT. It could be a financial situation, like my case, and people are not so comfortable admitting that. Some people have had a bad experience and just need time to heal. BE WITH THEM THROUGH THIS PROCESS. Sometimes the experience of going through something together, actually helps move things along. Some people are too wrapped up in their own thoughts or responsibilities, it could simply be a mere oversight. But it'd be in your best interest to align yourself with someone who falls under the same category; is like-minded. Unless you like the challenge then that's a whole other blog post plus a bottle of wine.
Keep in mind, you may be faced with having to make that decision if nothing is happening. Ask yourself if can you see yourself together with this person 5 years from now still not being married or at least engaged? Are you okay with that? Either COME TO A MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING OR TAKE THE LEAP OF FAITH. Faith in love. Faith in yourself. But be a stand for yourself, your morals and your dreams.